Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize