ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
