You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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