dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
