I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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