ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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