At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
