Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
