is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
