Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
