Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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