just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
