Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
