I feel like abortions should bother me more
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
