i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
