susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
