I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
