Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
