im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
there is glitter all over my balls
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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