hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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