so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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