honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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