everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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