She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
