Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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