just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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