rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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