Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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