Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
