All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
