Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
