so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize