she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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