The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
sex in a hospital.. check
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
