good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You're a disaster
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