no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
