My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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