Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize