Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
