Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
