Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
