he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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