Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
