the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
