The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
