i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well I just put wine in my tea
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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