Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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