he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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