Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
