I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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