You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have fence marks all over my body
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
