i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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