you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize