U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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