Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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