i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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