He told me they were just razor bumps!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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