Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think im going to throw up on grandma
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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