You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
