you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
