So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
worst night to have a conscience
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
