If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
