I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
