Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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