My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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