Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
