I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
