Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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