Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
