First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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