They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
