he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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