If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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