Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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