He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Holy sore nipples Batman
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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